Years ago I remember hearing a story about a girl I grew up with fucking herself with a cucumber. That tale always stuck with me until I stuck one in me. This was back in my pre-intercourse days so it wasn't as romantic an experience as I imagined it would be, but it got the job done. When you can't afford toys or the real thing's not available, you've got to think outside of your box girls, and get creative.

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Carrots When I lived with my conservative Asian parents I was too scared to have sex toys in case my mum found them, so I used to masturbate using a carrot wrapped in kitchen cling film. From the kitchen: Cucumbers, bananas, celery, corn on the cob, meat pounder tenderizer? Everywhere else: Toy sword, water balloons, vacuum not as a dildo, but it still warrants a place here , gear stick, trophy, the handle side of a baseball bat, play station controller, remote, costume jewelry. Super Classy I worked at an adult toy shop with a woman who was into vaginal stretching. She would boast about the fact that she could sit on a beer can. Super classy. He stood and talked to her while she ate the whole thing.
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